Tag Archives: Sleep

How I Nearly Died on Honeymoon

So, Charlie and I are married and back from our wonderful honeymoon in Sorrento, Italy. We had such a great time but I nearly ruined it by having an itty bitty accident on our second night there.

The beautiful setting for our honeymoon

The beautiful setting for our honeymoon

I woke up in the middle of night to answer a call of nature, noticing at the time I was a lot more groggy than I normally would be. However, I shook it off and went to the bathroom.

So, about a second into the deed I realised I was creating quite a bit of noise, and fearing I would wake Charlie I adjusted my aim, to be a little quieter (I’m trying to be tactful here). Still feeling a little groggy I closed my eyes, thinking to myself “Don’t fall asleep”.

Can you guess what happened next?

I awoke on the marble floor of the bathroom, being cradled by Charlie who was yelling “Are you alive?”.

I had fallen to sleep; an instant, deep sleep. I had then fallen, hitting the bidet on my right side, injuring my ribs. This was incredibly lucky, however, as the impact with the bidet had redirected my fall, causing me to twist and land on the floor facing the opposite direction, avoiding any head trauma on the marble fixtures at all.

Also luckily, I had awoken Charlie despite trying not to. She heard my impact with the bidet and, after receiving no reply to her calls, she came to investigate and found me prostrate and unconscious.

Once I awoke, I was confused to say the least, I had fallen into such a deep sleep so quickly that I hadn’t even been aware of the fall or impact, and couldn’t remember the fine details of the period just before falling asleep until the following morning.

Once again I was lucky as the injury I received to my ribs didn’t cause me much of a problem at all whilst on honeymoon, it was sore at times but most of the time I didn’t really notice it. In fact it is only now it is starting to feel more achey.

The resulting bruise from the impact with the bidet

The resulting bruise from the impact with the bidet

I do however believe that had I not hit the bidet and been redirected I would certainly have smashed my head against a hard surface in the all marble bathroom, bringing our honeymoon, if not our marriage to an untimely end.

The moral of the story people is this; Bidets save lives.

Or sit down when you pee in the middle of the night, your choice.

Bidets: Life savers, Beer Coolers; is there anything they cannot do?  Picture courtesy of http://design-ties.blogspot.co.uk

Bidets: Life savers, Beer Coolers; is there anything they cannot do?
Picture courtesy of http://design-ties.blogspot.co.uk

Things I Say in my Sleep

Paranoia’s setting in I think.

“Too, too, too coincidental”

Hear it here.

Things CHARLIE says in her sleep

My sleep talk app did something new a couple of nights ago, it picked up Charlie talking in her sleep! Not only was it unexpected, it was hilarious!

“Yeah…(ahem) she might ask me where Saturn is, we’re in trouble”

Now I don’t know if Saturn is a code word and she thought she was a spy or if she was actually worried about terrorists stealing the ringed planet, but it’s very funny. It might just be Charlie’s subconscious trying to make my blog all about her.
Listen to it here.

Things I say in my sleep

I surprised myself with my ability to annunciate whilst sleeping with this one!

“They spell really well.”

Hear it here.

Things I say in my sleep

Here’s a good one, not only is it weird, it’s complete gibberish.

“Puddle, Magnetic”

Hear it.

Things I Say in my Sleep

I have an app on my iPhone called Sleep Talk. Basically it allows you to monitor yourself while you sleep and records any noises you make. Most of the time it just picks up my snoring but occasionally it’ll record me saying ludicrous things in my sleep. Here’s a good one.

“Why’re you trying to get bones?”

Listen to it here
Creepy no? I have no idea what I was dreaming. I’ll post more of these as good ones come up.