Tag Archives: Humour

Charlie’s Quotes – Vows

Charlie’s latest rant

“I’m gonna have to put up with you for like 50 years! You’re gonna have to stop being a prick! I’m gonna get that put in my vows.”

Awww thanks babe!

Charlie’s Quotes – Self Centred

Charlie:“Stop playing that game now, it’s stupid, I want to go to sleep!”

Me (Faux hurt):“You don’t care about anything I care about”

Charlie:“Yes I do”

Me: “Like what?”

Charlie: “Me!”

Touché oh self-centred one.

Charlie’s Quotes – Stupid Ajar

There’s been a breakthrough people! The English language just got a little bit bigger thanks to Charlie after this conversation last night.

Charlie:
“Ajar is a stupid word”

Me:
“There’s no other word you can use to describe something that’s ajar though”

Charlie:
“Slightly open?”

Me:
“That’s two words”

Charlie:
“…Slopen?”

So there you go folks, you have been witness to the beginning of a new age of language! All thanks to one woman.

Charlie’s Quotes (or Monkey News)

Me and Charlie were watching/listening to this Youtube video of some of Karl Pilkington’s stupidest moments last night, and when we got to the part about the infinite typewriting monkeys; Charlie decided to transmogrify into a female Karl and start saying how she didn’t think they could knock up the complete works of Shakespeare.

I decided to try and explain that as there are a finite number of characters used in a book, and therefore a finite number of combinations in which those characters can be placed; it’s a mathematical certainty that given an infinite number of monkeys, at least one would hit the correct combination to produce Shakespeare. Charlie responded with this:

“But what if he slips and lands on the ‘Z’?”

Once I had regained my breath and wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes I decided to try a different tack and explained that it didn’t have to be infinite monkeys, but that it could be a single monkey with an infinite amount of time, and somewhere in there you would get the correct character combination. Charlie again responded:

“Aww, that poor monkey, he’d be really tired!”

When someone is pitying a hypothetically immortal monkey its definitely time to give up.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I'm just disturbed.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I’m just disturbed.

Charlie’s Quotes – You Cats…

As I was brushing my teeth this morning, Charlie’s voice drifted up the stairs:

“You cats are such pricks sometimes!”

Needless to say the mirror got covered in toothpaste.

Charlie’s Quotes

Last night after reading a book about a particularly devious abusive husband Charlie said this to me.


“I’m glad you don’t use your intelligence for evil.”

Thanks babe, it’s good to have my choice to not be a supervillian reaffirmed. Although I think you may be overestimating my genius.

Charlie’s way of starting a conversation

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six!”

Me:
Blank Stare

Charlie:
“You’re either angry or you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Me:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six! That’s when the train is arriving on Sunday, you need to pick me up from the station.”

Me:
“You seem to think its odd that I didn’t immediately get that. You basically just shouted a number in the middle of eating a mince pie and I’m supposed to know what the hell you mean.”

Charlie:
Giggle

Me:
“You could have at least given me a fighting chance by saying twenty-five past four. At least then I wouldn’t think you were yelling random years out.”

Charlie also seems to believe that words such as “he” and “she” are magic, and that if she changes the person she’s referring to when using one of these words, you will not need to be informed and will know psychically.

Things I Say in my Sleep

This one’s complete gibberish, I can’t decipher it, it’s bollocks.

Listen

Anyone got any ideas? Answers on a postcard. Or in the comments section, that might be easier.

Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie just asked me this question

“Do you always have to be so blunt and rude? I’m a people pleaser and what you say reflects badly on me.”

Yes. Yes I do. Everybody’s got a deal, and bluntness is mine. I do appreciate you making me laugh by asking me this though. 🙂

Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie was saying how whenever there’s a death in a family there seems to be a baby being born, I was arguing that both events occur so often that this cannot be seen as anything other than a coincidence when she came out with this cracker:
“I don’t know that many people who have died, and I don’t know that many people who have been born”

I had no idea you were such a loner babe.