Category Archives: Quotes

Charlie’s Quotes – Flamingos

Charlie’s brain went on holiday briefly the other evening and she asked me this

“Are Flamingos birds? I’m just checking in case they were mammals or something.”

I’ll give her a break as she’s been ill and what with the post wedding blues and all, although I may have to keep her away from the cats for a few days.

Charlie’s Quotes (or Monkey News)

Me and Charlie were watching/listening to this Youtube video of some of Karl Pilkington’s stupidest moments last night, and when we got to the part about the infinite typewriting monkeys; Charlie decided to transmogrify into a female Karl and start saying how she didn’t think they could knock up the complete works of Shakespeare.

I decided to try and explain that as there are a finite number of characters used in a book, and therefore a finite number of combinations in which those characters can be placed; it’s a mathematical certainty that given an infinite number of monkeys, at least one would hit the correct combination to produce Shakespeare. Charlie responded with this:

“But what if he slips and lands on the ‘Z’?”

Once I had regained my breath and wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes I decided to try a different tack and explained that it didn’t have to be infinite monkeys, but that it could be a single monkey with an infinite amount of time, and somewhere in there you would get the correct character combination. Charlie again responded:

“Aww, that poor monkey, he’d be really tired!”

When someone is pitying a hypothetically immortal monkey its definitely time to give up.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I'm just disturbed.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I’m just disturbed.

Charlie’s Quotes

Last night after reading a book about a particularly devious abusive husband Charlie said this to me.


“I’m glad you don’t use your intelligence for evil.”

Thanks babe, it’s good to have my choice to not be a supervillian reaffirmed. Although I think you may be overestimating my genius.

Charlie’s way of starting a conversation

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six!”

Me:
Blank Stare

Charlie:
“You’re either angry or you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Me:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six! That’s when the train is arriving on Sunday, you need to pick me up from the station.”

Me:
“You seem to think its odd that I didn’t immediately get that. You basically just shouted a number in the middle of eating a mince pie and I’m supposed to know what the hell you mean.”

Charlie:
Giggle

Me:
“You could have at least given me a fighting chance by saying twenty-five past four. At least then I wouldn’t think you were yelling random years out.”

Charlie also seems to believe that words such as “he” and “she” are magic, and that if she changes the person she’s referring to when using one of these words, you will not need to be informed and will know psychically.

Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie just asked me this question

“Do you always have to be so blunt and rude? I’m a people pleaser and what you say reflects badly on me.”

Yes. Yes I do. Everybody’s got a deal, and bluntness is mine. I do appreciate you making me laugh by asking me this though. 🙂

Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie was saying how whenever there’s a death in a family there seems to be a baby being born, I was arguing that both events occur so often that this cannot be seen as anything other than a coincidence when she came out with this cracker:
“I don’t know that many people who have died, and I don’t know that many people who have been born”

I had no idea you were such a loner babe.

Charlie’s Quotes

We went back to my hometown this weekend as it was my sister’s birthday. We were getting a bit bored so we decided to play a quick game of Trivial Pursuit. Someone got this question

Anyway, it turned out the answer was Germany, and my father said that it made sense as it was the biggest country in the EU. Charlie responded with:

“Oh, not because they keep putting their towels on the seats then?”

Nice.

Charlie’s Quotes

Be careful not to annoy Charlie or she might say to you what she said to me last night.

“I’m going to thump you in the heart”

’nuff said.

Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie and I were having a few glasses of vino with the TV on in the background, and the original Total Recall was on (again), anyway Charlie came out with this

“Would you really choose three boobs over two? Where would you put your head?”

I nearly spat the red wine all over the carpet.

Charlie’s Quotes

A while back Charlie and I were discussing birthdays and she mentioned that unfortunately she shared her birthday with Adolf Hitler. Interested I looked up if there was any Celebrity/Fascist Dictator I shared a birthday with and the search came up with Marvin Gaye. When I told Charlie she responded with this:

“I’d rather be Marvin Gaye than Hitler”

No shit, babe.