Category Archives: Charlie’s Quotes

Charlie’s Quotes – Flamingos

Charlie’s brain went on holiday briefly the other evening and she asked me this

“Are Flamingos birds? I’m just checking in case they were mammals or something.”

I’ll give her a break as she’s been ill and what with the post wedding blues and all, although I may have to keep her away from the cats for a few days.

Charlie’s Quotes – A snapshot of the tension in our house

Here is a text that shows the tension and resentment that goes on between Fizzgig and Charlie

Tension

Before you’re all like “Why’d you leave that poor cat out in the rain?”, I’d like to point out he was called multiple times and we had to go to bed. The stripey bastard therefore got everything he deserved.

If you’re wondering how Charlie is being so specific about her sleep quality, don’t worry, she’s not some kind of advanced cyborg, there’s an app for that.

 In other news, I retired the original blogspot blog today, with a shotgun, behind the barn.

Charlie’s Quotes – Vows

Charlie’s latest rant

“I’m gonna have to put up with you for like 50 years! You’re gonna have to stop being a prick! I’m gonna get that put in my vows.”

Awww thanks babe!

Charlie’s Quotes – Self Centred

Charlie:“Stop playing that game now, it’s stupid, I want to go to sleep!”

Me (Faux hurt):“You don’t care about anything I care about”

Charlie:“Yes I do”

Me: “Like what?”

Charlie: “Me!”

Touché oh self-centred one.

Charlie’s Quotes – Stupid Ajar

There’s been a breakthrough people! The English language just got a little bit bigger thanks to Charlie after this conversation last night.

Charlie:
“Ajar is a stupid word”

Me:
“There’s no other word you can use to describe something that’s ajar though”

Charlie:
“Slightly open?”

Me:
“That’s two words”

Charlie:
“…Slopen?”

So there you go folks, you have been witness to the beginning of a new age of language! All thanks to one woman.

Charlie’s Quotes (or Monkey News)

Me and Charlie were watching/listening to this Youtube video of some of Karl Pilkington’s stupidest moments last night, and when we got to the part about the infinite typewriting monkeys; Charlie decided to transmogrify into a female Karl and start saying how she didn’t think they could knock up the complete works of Shakespeare.

I decided to try and explain that as there are a finite number of characters used in a book, and therefore a finite number of combinations in which those characters can be placed; it’s a mathematical certainty that given an infinite number of monkeys, at least one would hit the correct combination to produce Shakespeare. Charlie responded with this:

“But what if he slips and lands on the ‘Z’?”

Once I had regained my breath and wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes I decided to try a different tack and explained that it didn’t have to be infinite monkeys, but that it could be a single monkey with an infinite amount of time, and somewhere in there you would get the correct character combination. Charlie again responded:

“Aww, that poor monkey, he’d be really tired!”

When someone is pitying a hypothetically immortal monkey its definitely time to give up.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I'm just disturbed.

I thought this picture would be funny, but now I’m just disturbed.

Charlie’s Quotes – You Cats…

As I was brushing my teeth this morning, Charlie’s voice drifted up the stairs:

“You cats are such pricks sometimes!”

Needless to say the mirror got covered in toothpaste.

Snowpocalypse

We had a massive downpour of snow in the night and this morning Charlie called up from downstairs as I was shaving:

“The snow has broken the sky!”

“What?!” I shouted as I looked out the window to try and see whatever Aurora Borealis-esque crazy shit she was referring to, wondering what the hell was going on.

“Yeah, there’s no TV signal!”

Sigh!

What I expected to see, but obviously with more snow

What I expected to see, but obviously with more snow

What I actually saw. Boring!

What I actually saw. Boring!

For non-UK residents, an explanation – Sky is the name of a popular satellite television subscription service. Other services are available.

Charlie’s Quotes

Last night after reading a book about a particularly devious abusive husband Charlie said this to me.


“I’m glad you don’t use your intelligence for evil.”

Thanks babe, it’s good to have my choice to not be a supervillian reaffirmed. Although I think you may be overestimating my genius.

Charlie’s way of starting a conversation

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six!”

Me:
Blank Stare

Charlie:
“You’re either angry or you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Me:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Charlie:
“Sixteen Twenty Six! That’s when the train is arriving on Sunday, you need to pick me up from the station.”

Me:
“You seem to think its odd that I didn’t immediately get that. You basically just shouted a number in the middle of eating a mince pie and I’m supposed to know what the hell you mean.”

Charlie:
Giggle

Me:
“You could have at least given me a fighting chance by saying twenty-five past four. At least then I wouldn’t think you were yelling random years out.”

Charlie also seems to believe that words such as “he” and “she” are magic, and that if she changes the person she’s referring to when using one of these words, you will not need to be informed and will know psychically.